4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
