Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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