So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
