okay pat passed out under dana's car
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
