Princesses don't give blow jobs
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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