you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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