I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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