From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
