but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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