"it" just moved
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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