this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
