Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
