I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
