When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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