Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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