maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
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I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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