I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
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