So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
