Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
