the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize