He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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