Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
