Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
