I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
