She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I love having hate sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize