Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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