what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
