she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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