I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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