Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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