Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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