Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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