apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
