There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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