The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
