i just wanna soil my oats bro
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize