I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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