i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
