youre lurking in front of me
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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