The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
