nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
