I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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