i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
