why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
