she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
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I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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