Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
