I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
