If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
