Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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