I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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