Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
