He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
