kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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