So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
