Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
