birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
