i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
