When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
50% drunk capacity currently
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
