Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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