garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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