at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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