Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
