I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
